My True Nature
by greenwhick
Summary: I never really knew this side of me before, I always assumed I was an innocent. However these past few days in Boston have changed my views on that theory. It's crazy how much can change in a week. All it took was one incident and three guys (one in particular) and I was a completely different person. Murphy/OC -Follows movie then branches off-Warning for language and future smut-
1. CH1: Beers Brawls and Beautiful Brothers

**CHAPTER 1: Beers, Brawls and Beautiful Brothers**

I never really knew this side of me before, I always assumed I was an innocent. But these past few days in Boston have changed my views on that theory. It's crazy how much can change in a week, how quickly people can effect your behaviors and actions. Make all previous mannerisms die and new ones pop up. New ones you never even thought were in you. Y'know how; for example; when you hangout a lot with someone who swears when you don't normally, you end up swearing a ton too? That's what happened to me, except it wasn't something as simple as my language.

Like most other 24 year old rich kids living in California I was spoiled. I spent my days surfing, playing beach volleyball with friends and walking the pier in the day and partying at night. I didn't need to get a job, my parents paid for everything; which, thinking about it now, really didn't help me at all. All my life I've been used to the sun, the sand, and the heat. My skin was always glowing with a dark tan and my hair has always been sun-bleached blonde, I never expected everything to change when I moved. On my 24th birthday; after partying hard; I decided it was time I grew up. As much as my parents protested I decided to move to somewhere completely different, Boston.

My father was a famous movie producer and my mother made all the soundtracks. Together they made a great duo with many successful movies and short films. They had always told me that when I moved out they would just pay for everything; wanting me to have the best life possible; but they were strongly against this move and decided to cut me off completely. So my life changed dramatically when I moved and I never predicted how difficult growing up would be, but I was forced to do it, and quickly too.

My first day in Boston was a vicious one. It rained, and it rained hard with no sun, I was so confused. When I got off the plane I jumped into the first cab I saw, "Just take me to the nearest hotel, please," "Your wish is my command." There was a heavy sigh from the driver and I noticed him looking back at me through the rear-view mirror, the way he looked me up and down made me uncomfortable. Getting out of that cab was relieving, "So, here we are miss. Comes to $30.67," I pulled my black long strapped purse off the seat beside me and dug through for my wallet, it was black so it blended in with the lining of my purse, "you can pay, right? 'Cause if you have no money I'm sure we can find some other way to square up" I looked up in time to see him grinning and looking at me hungrily. "Nope. I've got it thanks." I began rifling faster through my purse until I found it, "Here!" I threw him a couple twenty's, "keep the change," I didn't want to stay longer to discuss how much to tip and what I wanted back for change. He didn't deserve the tip but I also just didn't want to be there, plus I'm just not used to having to be careful about how much money I spend and where and on what, I've always had a never ending supply. The cabby popped the trunk open and tried to help me with my bags, "that's fine, I got it." He held on, "I've got it alright, piss off dude," I ripped them out of his hands quickly and stormed into the hotel.

This hotel is NOTHING like ANY hotel in Cali. The man at the front desk was rude and creepy, and any other tenant I passed inside was rude and creepy, and when I walked into my room I was disturbed. I can't really say a room is 'rude' but it was DEFINITELY creepy, there were shadows in corners that couldn't be explained and cracks and holes in the walls that leaked tiny sweat drops of water making the place smell stale and moldy. I went back downstairs, "d'you have any...cleaner rooms available?" The man at the front desk simply chuckled and walked away. "I'm talking to you..." He glanced back at me, still laughing, and kept walking off. "I'll take that as a no then..." People in Cali were always friendly and laughing, everyone was always either stoned or drunk off the heat of the sun... or for real drunk. I figured I'd go for a walk, maybe find myself a bar to drink myself into oblivion so I'd forget the smell and appearance and just pass out, I'll scan the papers for an apartment tomorrow.

About an hour later I found myself lost; which sounds backwards to find yourself when you're lost. Up ahead I saw a group of guys stumble out a door which could only mean one thing. I walked faster down towards the bar, anxious to escape the rain. After hauling the door open to "McGuinty's Pub" I realized I would be an extreme oddity here. Being the only girl in a pub back in Cali was never a big deal considering I knew almost everyone, here I know no one, and the thought of having no one to rely on to have my back is a scary thought. Especially since every single man in here looked grubby and drunk as hell. I almost turned to leave but my want for a drink overtook me and I bravely took a seat at the bar next to two guys who both turned to look at me, "oye, Murph, there's a lass in here," "aye, there is! Hey Doc, let's grab a beer for the lady, ya?" The guy sitting next to me called and waved an arm to the bartender or 'Doc', as he called him then turned to me, "name's Connor," he had a bright, drunk smile on as he spoke, "this here's Murphy" he leaned back and pointed to the guy next to him, also wearing a bright drunk smile, "'ello lassy!" FINALLY. People who were friendly and NOT creepy. "Lindsay" I smiled back at the two guys who just threw their arms in the air cheering and yelling, "Aaaayyeee Lindsay!" Lots of laughter and shouting rang through the bar and Doc set down a tall mug of beer in front of me, "aaahhh perfect, thank you," the guy sitting farther away, Murphy, drunkenly leaned over the bar to look at me, "so what's a gorgeous lass like you doin' alone in a back alley pub in South Boston on a dark rainy night eh?" I laughed when his barstool rocked slightly under his weight causing him to grab the counter in a panic, "I just moved here from California," the one beside me, Connor, cheersed me, "tha's a long way away! Welcome to the Irish side of the world m'dear lady" I laughed, "well thankya," the three of us cheersed again and downed our drinks in one go.

"She can drink Murph!" "Aye but can she keep up?" I picked up the fresh beer that had just been put down on the bar in front of me and lifted it into the air as a mock cheers, "how many are you at? I've gotta catch up before I'm ever gunna keep up!" I winked at the boys and downed my beer as the nine other guys at the bar cheered and started to crowd around us, "aye you're right, and sorry to be of no help on that one but I've definitely lost count," the two guys cheersed some other men in the bar and downed their beers and slammed their empty mugs down in front of me, "well? You catchin' up or what!" I laughed and called out to the bartender, "three shots of tequila, three jager bombs, and three beers please, Doc!" "Alright m- FUCK-ASS -m'd-d-dear," I jumped back, startled at first but then just began to laugh and cheer with the rest of them, "aaaah y'didn't have to buy us shots n' beers ma dear," Connor chuckled softly as he reached out for the drinks placed in front of me, "I didn't!" I laughed and smiled as I slapped his reaching hand lightly and following that, downed all six shots and a beer leaving two beers in front of me, "I'm a California girl, don't underestimate my power of alcoholic consumption," I winked again as I downed the second beer and started on the third.

Murphy started climbing the counter again and slapped the guy next to me on the shoulder, "Aye Connor, I think I'm in love ya," "Oye get the fuck off me!" The boys started laughing again as Connor tried to shove Murphy back off the counter. Feeling more comfortable I took my black leather jacket off leaving me in just a pair of black saddle boots, skinny jeans and a black long sleeved, scoop necked, waffle shirt, "ya stay a while will ya?" One of the other men in the bar helped my jacket off my arms and hung it over the back of a chair behind us, "thanks man." Right after taking my coat off there was a large gust of cold air as the door opened again, it felt like all the Irishmen in the world were cheering and yelling it was so loud, "Rocco! Ya!" "Yaaahhhhh!" A fresh beer slid down the counter to him as the two guys jumped up and they all grabbed their beers, cheersed and downed them quick, "you're trying to get me drunk aren't ya!" I yelled at them and jumped up off my barstool as I downed my own beer. They looked at me slightly confused, "well I have to keep up right?" I smiled mischievously, "eh Doc! Toss me a couple fresh ones eh!" The newcomer looked at me as the other two cheered, "who's this little one?!" The new one, Rocco, gestured towards me with his empty mug, "THIS!" Murphy draped an arm over my shoulders, "is Lindsay! Our fresh Californian lady-drunk!" "Aye! She claims she can keep up, so far she's failing," Connor looked at me mockingly, "Failing?!" I turned back to the bartender as he slid the fresh beer over to me, "I'll add another couple tequila shots and another beer to that round!" I downed the fresh beer and turned back to the guys with a coy smile while I waited for the rest. "Failing. That's not something I do when it comes to drinking." I could hear glasses hit the counter behind me so I spun around, "cheers eh" and downed them. When I put the empty cups down on the counter I looked up at Doc and was about to order a couple more but he looked a little down, "Listen, boys... and girl...I've got some very bad news. I'm gonna have to close down the b-b-b-bar. The Russians are buying up buildings all over the town, includin' this one- Fuck! Ass! -and they're not lettin' me renew my lease." I looked up past my empties, "Shit, and I only just got here," I pouted as Doc looked at me with an appreciative smile, "and listen, fellas, I d-don't want anyone to know. So you k-k-keep your t-traps shut! You know what they say... People in glass houses sink sh-sh-ships." He looked very serious, I don't think he knows he messed that up, "Hey, Doc, I gotta buy you, like, a proverb book or somethin'. This mix-and-match shit's gotta go." Everyone started to laugh so I figured I'd defend him. "Well hang-on now, people in glass houses sink ships," I repeated pondering, "if you think about it, it makes sense. A glass house WOULD sink a ship, could you imagine how fucking heavy that'd be?!" The guys all looked at me laughing when Murphy cut in, "Ya but the people in it? It ain't the house sittin' on that ship," "well they must be stupid enough to sink a ship, I mean they built a glass house... how stupid is that exactly?! No privacy, very fragile, fingerprints would show up EVERYwhere, d'you even know how much Windex you'd go through?!" By now the guys were all crackin' up, "well really! If you have enough money in the first place to BUILD a glass house AND buy a ship then it'd be a HUGE step backwards to fuckin' move the house ONTO the ship and then subsequently sink it!" How the fuck did I use such a long world properly, I'm so drunk right now. "Aye but now we're back to the house being ON the fuckin' ship! It's the fuckin' people on the fuckin' ship!" "Aye! And it's not just that one either! Doc's had some good ones" Connor started to laugh as he gestured to Rocco with his smoke, "Ya like, A penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it?" The bar started to laugh and Murphy added, "And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen." I couldn't help but laugh, "K well those make NO sense, well actually you can't cross the road without getting out of the kitchen first, and maybe someone who doesn't have the courage to leave the kitchen in the first place SHOULDN'T be trying to cross the roa-" but my words were cut short as the door behind us burst open. Then the whole night went wrong.


	2. CH2: The Morning After

**CHAPTER 2: The Morning After**

The next morning felt awful. My head was ringing and banging and I could feel my stomach trying to reject all of its contents; which was only alcohol since I hadn't eaten since the plane ride over. I groaned and rolled over on my bed holding my head trying to silence the headache, hang on... where am I? This isn't a bed... I hadn't spent a night in my hotel room yet and I barely know what it looks like but I know this isn't it. While squinting my eyes trying to see straight, I looked around the spinning room, none of my stuff was there and this place seemed way dirtier. I heard some light snoring to my right and wandered over, the two guys from last night were asleep on their beds wearing just their boxers, no blankets, I guess this is their place. I felt the lurch in my stomach again and ran around the place frantically trying to find the bathroom, I slammed the door shut behind me as I instantly expelled all the contents of my stomach. Fuck why did I drink so much? I feel like shit, the smell of this place isn't helping either. There was a light knock on the door, "aye, y'alright in there m'dear?" "Ya, thanks," "ya like some water?" "I'm ok thanks," "alright call if ya do ya?" I answered, "yup!" quickly before I felt the lurch hit again. I heard one of the guys outside the door walk past saying, "yuck." I sat back and leaned against the counter taking a deep breath, ugh my fucking head. I ended up passing out on the floor propped up against the cupboard, but woke up to a loud crash and a lot of yelling.

I just barely opened the bathroom door when the front door was smashed open, there was a lot of shouting and I was so hungover I could barely make out what the fuck they were saying. All I knew is I should stay hidden in the bathroom, too bad I don't listen. I grabbed the shower curtain rod and burst out of the bathroom swinging it in front of me, "Lindsay!" Murphy tried to run towards me, but was ripped back. One of the Russians grabbed at the rod and the other just straight-up shot at me. "LINDSAY!" I screamed as a bullet hit my arm causing me to drop the rod to the ground. "What the fuck! Don't fucking shoot at her you fat fuck!" Connor yelled as he was being cuffed to the toilet. One of the Russians grabbed me as the other grabbed Murphy, Connor was struggling to get free from the cuffs. There were tears streaming down my face it hurt so bad, I wasn't crying, I was too scared, but there were tears and I was freaking out screaming as I was dragged out of the room and down the stairs.

Before exiting the building the Russian dragging me stopped and slammed me against the wall, "I think I will have some fun with you before I kill you." I was staring at him defiantly as I struggled. I could hear Connor yelling upstairs and I could hear Murphy yelling insults outside but I made no noise, I couldn't find my voice, I simply struggled. There were smashes and gunshots outside then silence. "LINDSAY?!" I could hear Murphy yelling for me but all I could do is emit muffled screams as the Russian smashed his lips down onto mine holding my wrists up above my head against the wall with his left hand while feeling me up with his other hand. I kept screaming under his mouth, "LINDSAY?!" He couldn't hear me. I bit the Russian's lip and tried to knee him in the junk but he pulled back and backhanded me making me scream as loud as I could. Then the Russians head suddenly smashed forward onto the wall and I saw Murphy throwin' the toilet seat lid behind him. He grabbed him off me and punched him in the face as I ran out the door to see Connor on the ground, "grab all the shit! Roll those mother fuckers!" While frantically running around packing up all their shit; guns, phones, pagers, everything; I felt that unfriendly lurch again and scattered and puked in the dumpster behind me. I saw Murphy throw Connor over his shoulder then give me a disgusted but pity-filled look, "yuck, let's go."

We had Connor's arms slung around our shoulders; between the two of us he was actually quite light; "are you sure this is a good idea?" I looked at Murphy hoping he would change his mind, cops freak me out. "Aye, if we don't go in ourselves they'll just find us later, that'd be worse. This way we can just say it was self-defense," he smirked wildly as he looked at me, "I guess technically it was self-defense, you're doing the talking though. I don't even know what happened last night I completely blacked the fuck out." "Aye you were a little more than drunk, maybe don't try to keep up with all of us next time" "Hey! I would have succeeded, I just had no food in me. Speaking of having nothing in me," I spoke quickly as I abandoned Connors weight and booked it to puke in a trash can. "Fuckin sick," "I can't help it alright I'm fuckin' hung as shit." I spat one last time before trudging back to the guys and throwing Connor's arm back around my shoulders. "Alright, I'm good."


	3. CH3: Hospitals and Jail Cells

_**Review! Thanks for reading :)**_

**CHAPTER 3: Hospitals and Jail Cells**

It felt really good to get my gunshot looked after. The nurse cleaned me up, threw on some medicine and shot me with some morphine, aahh morphine, perfect, but it made me so tired. It knocked out my speech entirely and Murphy can't seem to stop laughing. "Shut your stupid egg headed mouth! I got morphine it's making me stupid. I'm not stupid it's the morphine's fault. I promise I'm smart, I know you don't know me fully like other people know me 'cause I know them for long but-" Murphy cut me off, "Just... shuttup, ya?" Probably for the best that I do shuttup, I'm rambling and making zero sense. I grumbled as I walked over to the boys with my wobbly legs, Connor now being conscious and bandaged up. "I think it's 'er turn to be carried eh Murph" "Aye, I do believe you've got a point there m'dear brother," I heard them laughing at me, but just barely, every sound was echoing through my head like I was in a metal tunnel and with every step I took I fell closer to a wall or table or somewhere I wasn't aiming for, "aye I'm just gunna grab ya lil lass," Murphy's voice was soft as he scooped me up in his arms, "I can fumble just fine, it's like I'm drunk without drinking more than I drank last night already. I don't feel like this is necessary. Hey can we make pancakes later?" "Maybe she should just take a nap." Connor gave my hair a scruffy rub as he chuckled past. Murphy adjusted his arms under my body and I let out a small groan as my head fell backwards and my arm fell off my body, "aye Conn, wanna fix her up?" Connor came over and tucked my head up into Murphy's shoulder and placed my arm gently onto my stomach. "Alright, let's do this then."

We sat down with Agent Smecker, Murphy sitting in the middle, and I got to hear the details of the night before. As Murphy spoke I realized none of this story was familiar to me at all so either he's lying his ass off and I should keep my trap shut OR I was so fucking drunk last night that my brain died, either or I'm just not going to speak. Apparently I was a bit of a badass though, I've never been in a bar fight before. I've been there for many of them, seen lots, broken up lots, but never have I actually participated in one (cat fights in the bar don't count) so either Murphy is exaggerating his story or I have a hidden talent for bar fights.

I felt my cheeks heat up as Murphy slung an arm around my shoulders as he spoke but I was so exhausted and morphined up that I rested my head on his shoulder. He glanced down at me, "if you puke on me I swear I'm gunna-" "Would you like a bucket?" I looked over to see Detective Smecker standing up behind his desk looking at me apprehensively, "probably a good idea," I felt a chuckle shake through Murphy as he spoke, "so far shes chucked in dumpsters trash cans and toilets, eh lassy?" He looked at me admiringly squeezing me viciously, "I wouldn't squeeze me without a bucket because I will not hesitate to make that bathrobe dirtier than it already is." He stopped. "Greenly! Grab us a puke bucket," a tall detective appeared at the doorway, "you fuckin' kidding me? Coffee, bagels, what the fuck." "Puke bucket or your shoe. Your choice," "what the fuck is this," he left looking fed up and I couldn't help but laugh, but that brought the lurch, "fast! Be fast please!" Murph pushed me off of him in fear I would blow but he pushed with so much force and I was so dizzy I bailed right off my chair, "OWE fuck man seriously? I'm not going to fucking chuck on ya!" "Well I don't fuckin' know!" There was a sudden groan out of Connor which made us stop screaming at each other, "Aye, Connor? You alive?" Murph put a hand on his brothers back, " fuck my wrists fuckin' hurt what the fuck," he put a hand to his head in pain, "fuck."

After I got my bucket and Connor came back to life, Smecker pulled out a tape recorder and as the boys and him had a little back and forth in some jibberish words I couldn't make out; I am so fuckin' out of it; I looked around for that bag we had wondering what was gunna happen with that but I couldn't find it. Maybe the cops took it? I sat quietly and kind of dazed as Connor and Murphy described the night before, apparently I jumped one of the Russians from behind and wrapped my arms around his neck in an attempt to choke him. Then after being thrown off I kicked him and smashed an empty mug on his head, but my reign of heroism ended however, when Doc grabbed me off the floor and hid me behind the counter. The rest was a solid explanation of the morning, I knew the morning stuff so I just let myself pass out in the chair.

I was jerked awake when Murphy shot upright and found myself curled up on a crappy bed beside Murph who was looking at his brother on the cot next to us, "Destroy all that which is evil." "So that which is good may flourish." I am so. Confused. I shuffled a little, "oye, how ya feelin' there lass?" All I did was groan and roll over onto my face. "My aaaarm huuuuuurts," "Wha?" "My aaaaarm huuuuurts," "darlin' I can't understand ya when ya talk into the pillow like that" I shuffled again so my face wasn't in the pillow, "my aaaaarm huuuuuurts." I felt a hand on my back, must be Murph, he's the one in bed with me. Why is he in bed with me? Why is he half naked? Not that I mind, but where the fuck am I? My eyes shot open, "are we in a cell? Did we go to jail?!" I shot up and started freaking out, "what the fuck! Murphy you said to say self defense and we'd be ok and that-" Murphy seems to have a habit of cutting me off mid-sentence, "shh we didn't get charged, calm down lassie." "Aye, they let us stay the night in a holding cell." "Oh," I took a few deep breaths as I took in my surroundings. "Can I go home?" "Right away lass," Connor smiled at me and bowed his head as if I were royalty when a pager went off, "What the fuck is that?" Connor looked as confused as I was about the noise, "It's that fuckin' Russian's pager," Murph tossed it over to Connor who caught it and rubbed his eyes awake. "Ugh, let's go."


	4. CH4: The Hunt For Home

**CHAPTER 4: The Hunt For Home**

I would say that "it felt nice to be back in my own bed again" except that it wasn't my own bed and it wasn't very comfortable so it didn't really feel all that nice, plus I've never actually slept here before. This morning I woke up on a filthy cot in a jail cell; which I didn't mind since Murphy was there with me; and now I'm waking up on a filthy cot again but this time without Murphy. When my eyes finally focused, I remembered my task for the day, to find a place to live.

After showering I rooted through all my bags trying to find some clothes, it proved difficult however, considering how out of it I was still. I'm pretty sure I had a better sleep in the jail cell.

I tried to call the front desk to send up a newspaper, but I quickly realized again, I'm not in Cali. After packing up all my shit; I am determined I'm not staying here again; I went downstairs, checked out, and left down the street to find a place.

After wandering the street for a little while with all my bags I found myself back at McGuinty's pub. "Time to drink away the shitty day." I said to no one in particular. I stepped into McGuinty's and almost immediately Doc poured me a beer, "how's your a-a-arm d-d-oin- FUCK -?" I laughed lightly as I sat down putting my stuff on the floor next to the bar stool, "it's ok I guess, definitely hurts, but whatya do right?" Doc smiled at me, "b-b-beer's on me -FUCK-ASS!" I laughed again, "Thanks Doc! Hey, d'you know if there are any apartments available for rent anywhere around here?" "Well the b-b-boys rent - FUCK – an a-apartment just up the block from here. They're ch-cheap too," "well that's a bonus!" I downed my beer, "thanks Doc, I'm gunna go check out those apartments. I'll probably be back later! Hey is it ok if I leave my bags here?" "Of course! I'll t-t-take them to the back for ya," "thanks! See ya in a while!" I waved as I left the bar and headed down to the apartment building Doc told me about.

Just like the hotel room, this place was FILTHY, but, whatever, I'll probably be piss drunk whenever I pass out here anyways, fuckit, I'll take it. I lay down in the bed for a bit after putting down a deposit on the room thinking about last night and this morning, "how did it get so fucked so fast?" Shit, I realized I don't remember paying Doc last night and I drank triple my weight in beers and shots. Shit, I wonder how much money I have left. I might have to get a job... I've never had one before, it's gunna be so weird. "Maybe I can work for Doc? Drinking while working, working while drinking, I would definitely be ok with that." I have a habit of speaking out loud to myself when no one's around. "Do I need a resume? I don't have one.. I wouldn't even have references to put on one... I am so fucked in the real world."

Later that day I found myself back at the pub. I wiped the mud off my shoes as I walked inside, "hey Doc, I've got a question for ya," "what can I d-d-do for ya?" "Well, feel free to say no, but ... I need a job..." I looked at Doc awkwardly waiting for a response, "well, I guess I could always u-u-use someone for -FUCK-ASS- f-for busy n-n-nights," "really? Oh that'd be perfect, d'you need a resume or something?" "Nah don't worry about that," "ok cool, I don't even have one. Oh also, did I pay you last night? I can't remember, I don't think I did though." "No you did, after the b-b-bar fight you guys kept d-d-drinking. You paid don't worry." "Alright good, my buddy walked out on a tab one time and they never let him back in, I was worried," "aaaahh you'll always b-b-be allowed back in here, I'm not p-p-FUCK-picky." Doc and I hung out for a while and he taught me how to use the register and how to change the kegs and all sorts of future duties. I learned all his secrets over the next couple hours before the place started to fill up. "Always starts to get busy around f-f-five," "d'you need my help tonight?" "Nah don't worry, you'll p-p-probably help me more by just racking up a good tab," we cracked into a laugh, "thanks Doc, will do," I winked at him as I picked up my mug.

"Heyy! The Nutcracker's here!" It was Rocco, "Nutcracker?" "Ya, remember? You smashed that one Russian in the nuts!" "Hah! Really?! That's awesome, poor guy." Rocco and I hungout for a while after the bar really filled up, "hey are you sure you don't want help?" "Nah it's ok d-dear, you drink -FUCK- up to-ton-tonight, you can start tomorrow." "Alrighty, just holler if ya need a hand!"

Eventually I noticed, that the whole time he's been here he's been checking his watch, "Rocc are you late for something?" "Nah I just got this thing I gotta do later, I just don't wanna be late or, y'know, consequences n all," "ahh gotcha, what time d'you have to go?" "probably another twenty minutes or so." "Well we have to have departure shots first! Hey Doc! Four tequilas!"

After Rocc left I was forced to find new friends. I ended up befriended a small group of rowdy drinkers; James, Donny, Dan, and the only other girl in the bar, Emma. They were pretty cool, Emma was a sweety, I think her n' Connor would get along pretty good if ya catch my drift. Donny was a little weird but who isn't right? I was just about to ask Dan where he got his toque, it was sweet, when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Aye it's Murph, come over n drink with us Dolly!"

I responded with a chuckle, "Where ya at?"

Murphy gave me the address to Rocco's place and after taking a couple departure shots I headed over to the liquor store for a 24 case of Guinness and then carried on to Rocco's place. I left my bags at the bar knowing they're safe with Doc and that I'd get them in the morning.

Once I got to Rocco's place I soon realized shit seems to happen everywhere I go to drink with these boys.


	5. CH5: Rocco's Turn

**CHAPTER 5: Rocco's Turn**

When I got to Rocc's place I was about to turn the knob but I jumped back with a little scream at the sound of a gunshot and a LOT of yelling and commotion. I found a pipe in the trash and stood at the doorway for a second, thinking about what the fuck was going on in there. I opened the door slowly with my pipe raised over my head and crept into the small hallway, "I can't believe that just fuckin HAPPened!" I could tell that was Murphy yelling. An empty beer can suddenly flew past me and they started laughing, "Oye lass you can lower your pipe now," "what the FUCK just happened?!" I walked into the place, there was blood allover the wall, "Rocco shot a cat!" Connor yelled pointing at the wall, "what the fuck Rocco?!" "I didn't mean to!" Murphy couldn't even talk he was bustin' a gut so hard. I stepped in a little further to the room dropping the pipe to the floor, "who's cat? I assume it wasn't yours or you wouldn't be laughin' about it," Rocco waved it off to the side as he grabbed a rag, "druggy girlfriend," "she won't be pleased," "naahhh she won't even notice, if she ever even comes home. That bitch is on every drug known to man." "That's useful considering the situation I guess," I clapped a hand on his back as I walked in further and high-fived the boys, "that's a fucked up mess." We drank till the wee hours of the morning, the wall was stained red with the blood of a cat but somehow we managed to ignore it and the smell it left behind and get shitfaced instead.

The next morning I woke up on the couch wrapped up in Murphy's arms, I looked up at his sleeping face and drank in every feature and smiled admiringly. I don't know him very well but so far I feel a lot for him; I want him to love me. I looked around and saw the shit hole this place was, it was a mess when I got here but now it was sick; empties littered the floor, there were spills of beer allover the table and the floor, blood allover the wall, knives and guns scattered allover the house and clothing allover the floor. "Hey isn't that my shirt?" I muttered to myself as I stretched my neck up to see over Murph's body, there was my black crew neck t-shirt on the floor beside another black t-shirt and a pair of mans jeans. I lifted the blanket slightly and took a peek, I was in my bra and jeans and he was in his boxers. I smiled and looked back up at him, no drunk sex, just warmth. I snuggled back into his body with my head resting on his chest and my arm draped around his abs and went back to sleep.

When I woke up again I was by myself, there was no one else in the house. I sat up, the blanket sliding off my almost bare chest, and looked around the house in a bit of a panic. My t-shirt was sitting by itself on the ground so I grabbed it and threw it on before I got off the couch and started wandering around. I found a cold beer in the fridge and cracked it as I walked outside, the boys were out there havin' a smoke and talking, "what's goin' on?" They both looked up at me, Connor dropped his smoke and stamped it out looking worried, Murph kept smoking but was staring at the wall in front of him, I looked ahead at it, there was nothing there, "where's Rocco?" "He went out," Connor walked past me into the house and I took a step closer to Murphy, "Murph? You ok?" He dropped his smoke down and looked at me, "aye I'm alright, beer already?" "Hair of the dog y'know," I smiled and lifted it up for a drink. Murphy smiled at me and slung an arm around my shoulders with a deep breath, "inside, it's cold out here and you're barely covered," He pulled me in close and kissed the side of my cheek, "plus I need a fuckin' beer."

After drunkenly stumbling sideways I mumbled to the boys, "I need to find a place to live," "I thought you already did? You just fuckin' told us five fuckin' minutes ago that you found a place in our fuckin' building?" The boys were laughing at me, goddammit, "Fuck, you're right, I did didn't I..." I could see Connor laughing over his newspaper and I stood frowning a little bit, "fuck you alright! Just means I'm responsible." "So responsible that you don't even know it," Murph lit a smoke and laughed until the moment when the phone rang. In seconds his face was like stone and Connor sat up at attention while Murph slammed his hand down to answer it, "Hello? ...Hey Rocc you ok?...No man, are you sure you're ok?" He slowly put the phone back down as he exhaled a big puff of smoke, "what's goin' on?" Connor looked up at me, "Rocc's just got himself into some fuckin' heavy shit is all," I could tell they didn't wanna talk about it so I let it drop. "McGuinty's?" I proposed but the door opened up and in stumbled two chicks drunk n' drugged out of their minds. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty," that must be Rocco's girlfriend, I glanced at the two boys who just collapsed sullenly on the table, Murphy lit another smoke and Connor just buried himself back into his newspaper sinking into his chair. I grabbed another three beers for us, stepping really awkwardly around the place trying not to make any noise, I didn't really want to be noticed by them. We sat in almost complete silence as the two girls laughed at did a few lines of blow off the coffee table. Murph put a hand on my thigh and I looked up at him and smiled, he smiled lightly back at me and I leaned to the side to rest my head on his shoulder. Connor glanced up and I think I saw him smile a bit before he quietly spoke, "you guys are so fuckin' cuddly it makes me fuckin' sick." It was silent for a few minutes, Murph was checking on my arm while Connor quietly started throwing empties into the sink, but we all jumped when Rocco came smashing through the door screaming.

"Pack your shit! Pack your shit! We gotta get out of here!" Connor stood up and threw down his newspaper, "What the fuck are you talkin' about?" Murphy and I got up as he ran around the place grabbing the most random of shit. "I killed them! Oh, Jesus, I killed them all!" "Just calm down. Tell us what happened," good luck calming him down Connor, "No!" My attention was redirected to the girls in the other room when they started yelling, "Rocco!" No one else seemed to hear them though, "calm down, man," "Fuck you! You start gettin' excited, motherfucker! We gotta go!" The girls yelled again, "Rocco!" "Well, how many were there?" Connor kept trying, "Fuckin' hurry the fuck up!" I don't understand what's going on, "what the fuck is goin' on?!" Murphy started getting excited yelling, "All right! I love this shit!" He clapped his hands and started running after him, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Rocc?" "The cocksucker sold me out!" "Didn't I tell you, Rocc? Did they pull on you first?" "What am I doin'? I'm in it at Lakeview!" "Lakeview the deli, Rocc?" Murphy was still jumping around, "Looks like we got us a new fuckin' recruit!" "Recruit for what?!" I couldn't help it, I started panicking and running around after Murphy.

"ROCCO!" Those two fucking girls need to shut the fuck up this is clearly not a good time, "WHAT?" "Where's my cat?" Oh fuck. "I killed your cat, you druggie bitch." I can't listen to this. I walked outside for some fresh air, this is so fucked. All I can hear from inside is yelling, I just leaned against the closed door and played with a loose piece of siding on the house. I could hear them inside, "don't you fuckin' yell at her like that, you prick!" "Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't buy a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you fucked!" I could hear her start crying, I went back in to see Rocco waving a gun around, "what the fuck is going on?!" "Let's get the fuck outta here!" Rocco was running towards the door and the guys were following, "those rat fucks! All of them were all laughin' at me, man." "Are you sure you killed them, Rocc?" Excuse me? "Fuckin' right I did. I had a goddamn turkey shoot over there." I think they forgot I was there, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" They all stopped and looked at me, "Uhhm, we're just gunna go to the bar, c'mon," Murphy made to grab my hand but I pulled away, "bull shit! What the fuck is going on?!" "Alright alright I'll tell ya on the road now c'mon let's get going!"


	6. CH6: Yet Another Brawl

**CHAPTER 6: Yet Another Brawl**

After leaving Rocc's place we went straight to McGuinty's Pub; mostly on my account. I burst through the door and went straight to the bar, "Doc!...Doc!...Oh fuck this, I work here sort of." I went around to behind the bar and poured myself a beer and slammed it then filled up my mug again, leaned on the front counter and just stared ahead thinking about the whole story the boys just told me in the car. I was looking towards the ceiling as I thought, "so... you guys killed those Russian's... " then I looked at Rocco, "and you killed a bunch of randoms in a deli..." and looking between all three of them, "and now you guys are gunna go kill more people?" The guys just stood there in silence looking proud but ashamed and very awkward, "ya? I got that right?" "Aye, ya do," I looked at Connor, "so... how...?" I couldn't even finish my sentence, I didn't even know what my sentence was, "how are you... finding these people...?" "Well those first ones just kind of happened," I looked at Murphy when he spoke then back to Connor, "aye, from the Russian's pager." "Uh huh... ok..." "And I'm in with it all, so I know them all." I looked at Rocco, you're in the Mafia?" "He's a package boy," Murph shoved Rocco to the side, "Hey fuck off man," "you fuck off, what the fuck were you even thinking killing a bunch of fuckin' people in the middle of a fuckin' deli?" I turned to face the keg again and filled up my mug when Doc walked in, "what the f-f-fuck is goin' on out here?" I dropped my mug and held my hands up, "I've been keeping track! I promise!" "Not you, -FUCK-ASS- I m-mean y-y-you boys what the fuck is going on?!" "Oh ok good," I picked up my mug and filled it up again, "hey Doc," "wh-what happened, I heard you b-boys t-t-talking about killing people what have you d-done now? -FUCK-" "aye, ah I don't want you to have to get involved too, Doc." Connor was rubbing his forward now realizing the mess they made by letting me in on it all. "I'm just gunna drink for a while guys you go... do whatever." I could see the panic in Murphy's eyes, "I'm not like, abandoning you guys or some shit. We're friends n' all I just gotta take all this shit in. Just... gimme a bit." Murph opened his mouth to say something but closed it again at a loss. "Linds we'll be back alright, just, don't go far." I looked away but raised my beer to signal I heard, "mhm."

"Doc... I don't understand this... How the fuck are they able to look someone in the eye and pull the trigger with no hard feelings at all... I don't get it..." Doc kept wiping glasses and putting them away, "Those b-b-boys have always been able to t-t-take c-care of themselves. At least you don't have to worry a-ab-about them gettin' hurt." "Yah.. for now.." I took another sip of my beer, "but I get these guys that they're killing are all bad... but what about their families? This could even be creating something worse... maybe their kids will grow up vicious or some shit... I dunno man, this is fucked." "D-d-don't worry yourself with them dearie, -FUCK-ASS- it's definitely a f-f-f-ucked up situation but- " Doc was cut off mid-sentence when the door opened. The topic had to die as the people I met yesterday walked in, "hey! Our little surfer girl!" James ran over and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, "AAAh! Put me down!" Donny and Dan went and claimed the corner table in the pub and Emma went straight for the bathroom. James was a cool guy, I like him, pretty good lookin' too. If I didn't feel the way I do about Murphy, I would definitely jump James. Thinking about that fact made me think about Murphy again and what he's been doing lately. I would love to have a life with Murphy, but just the fact that he could get hurt or go to jail or worse made me feel sick to my stomach. I think if I let myself feel more for him it will just be dangerous for my heart. I wonder where they are right now, if they're ok... I hope they turn up soon, I wish I hadn't been so horrible to them before they left. I need a beer.

Donny has the weirdest sense of humor, his jokes are even worse than Rocco's, for example; "what's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? ... If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment!" He laughed the hardest when he told it. I decided I'd try and get to know Emma better, maybe hook her up with Connnor, "you wanna go get some shots, Emma?" "Ya sure, let's do it!" Emma was pretty similar to me in terms of drinking. She was blonde, blue eyes, similar height to my own; approx 5'2; but unlike me she was fully Irish, "aye, what shot should we get next?" "Jager bombs?" "Ayyee! Jager!" "Hey Doc! Can we get some jager bombs? Also what time d'you want me to start work?" He just shook his head and laughed, "just drink t-t-tonight."

A couple hours later the door opened and in walked my favorite boys in Boston. Maybe it was the beer but I was so relieved, I ran and threw my arms around Murphy's neck, "where the fuck were you," "wha?" He wrapped his arms around my body as I continued to ask, "Where were you?" "Aye, lass, I've no clue what you're saying, you're talking into my neck," I shuffled my face out of his neck and spoke again, "where were you?" He looked down at me, his face was a mix of emotions. He looked like he was happy to see me, excited that I wasn't dwelling on the whole "mass murder" situation, and at the same time he was holding back, I could tell he was holding something serious back, there was something he didn't want me to know. I loosened my hold on him and pulled back, "Murph?" He just looked at me with his mouth open, unable to speak. I let go completely and looked at Connor, "Connor?" He looked at me, then at Murph, then scanned the bar, then back at me, "uuhhhhh weeeee caan talk later k love." I know exactly what that means. I looked at both of them and then to Rocco, "alright, well, I'm gunna get a shot." I went behind the bar and started pouring my own shots of tequila, knockin' 'em back one after the other until Doc came over, "slow d-d-down aye, take a seat," he pat me on the back and guided me around to the other side of the counter and sat me beside Emma, "y'alright?" I had my face smooshed in my hands on the counter, "ya I'm," I let a small burp escape, "I'm alright, I'll just, I'unno... I need a beer. Hey Doc?"

As the night went on I got very confused, I wanted to hit Murphy for all the shit he's been doing but at the same time I just wanted to jump him. On the plus side though, I introduced Connor to Emma and they hit it off instantly. On the minus side though, that made me incredibly jealous; I want love. Every time I look at Murphy I wanna scream. I took another shot and turned back to Doc to get another beer; I was sitting by myself at the bar while everyone else partied in the corner, I don't feel social right now. Just as the fresh beer hit the counter, James hit the seat beside me, "so my lovely lass, why on earth are you on your own?" I looked over at him and smiled slightly as I slurred out, "just havin'a beer by m'self with some beer on the countertop," he chuckled as he looked deep in my eyes, "is that so." He put his hand on mine as he looked up to Doc, "Oye, four shots of tequila," I think he winked at Doc cause he had a strange look on his face before he put down some shots in front of us.

Doc looked back and forth between the two of us before he stopped and gave James a stern look, "you t-t-take care of yourself Lindsay." James and I hungout at the counter drinking for a while, he's startin' to get touchy and I don't quite know how to feel about it. He seems like a cool guy but... Murphy... I glanced over at the corner booth just as he looked up from his beer to look at me, we locked eyes for a moment until his eyes flicked over to James. I turned back to my drink, "what's the matter lassie?" I looked up at him and he put his hand on the side of my face and leaned in to kiss me, I pulled back almost instantly and grabbed my beer; I can't even think straight right now, this is ridiculous, I should just go to bed. "K I'm gunna go'ta bed now I think," I got up off the bar stool and bailed immediately. I noticed Murph get up and come over, "Lindsay you alright?" He knelt down to pick me up but James grabbed me and hauled me up instead, "it's alright ya, I got'r, she asked me to take her home." I can barely even make out what's being said right now but after some words James set me down in a chair and shoved Murph back, "fuck you! Who the fuck d'you think you are. She ain't your fuckin girl you have no fuckin claim!" Connor got up out of his seat just as Murph shoved James back, "you fucking touch her and you're done," and I could hear Doc yell, "AYE! N-not in my b-b-bar! Not again!" James picked me up and started carrying me to the door, my head was slung backwards and just as I turned and opened my eyes I saw Murphy punch him right in the face, "You fuckin' dick, I fuckin' TOLD you." Connor grabbed me before I fell and placed me on the ground, propped up against the table as Emma came over and stayed with me while Donny and Dan came running over and the five of them started kickin' the shit out of each other. "Fucking hell," was all I could say before I passed out in Emma's arms.


	7. CH7: Nervous, So Nervous

**CHAPTER 7: Nervous, So Nervous**

I'm always waking up somewhere that's not my home. At least this place was somewhat familiar to me. I was back in Murphy's bed only he wasn't there with me, I sat up and looked around me, Connor was in his bed, where the fuck is Murphy? I got up and wandered around a bit, I found him sleeping on a sheet on the ground in the corner of the room. "Murph," I shook his shoulder as I softly spoke, "Murph," he let out a little groan, "aye?" "Why're you on the floor?" I sat next to him and placed a hand on his side, "I figured I'd just give you the bed," "ya but the floor's so filthy... last time-" "Last time I didn't think you hated me," my eyes went wide and sad, "Murph... I could never..no, I don't hate you it's just... weird, I dunno. I just need to understand your _new job _and just... pass it." Murph sighed and looked down at the floor, "don't sigh at me! I'm being serious, I... I like ya Murph, I really do, I just don't like the thought of you coming home hurt or... not.. coming home..." I looked down at my hands, he groaned and looked up at the ceiling. We sat in silence for a moment before he took my hands in his and looked straight at me, "I would never leave you." "Not on purpose maybe," a little tear found it's way down the side of my cheek, "oh Lindsay," he sat up and cupped my face in his hands and wiped the tear away with his thumb. I looked up at him, finding myself crying silently, "It's fine, go back to sleep love. We can talk in the morning aye?" I choked a little as I turned my face and kissed the palm of his hand, I think that triggered something in him because right away he shot forward and kissed me, his lips lingered on mine and my breathe caught in my throat. When our lips parted he kept his forehead touching mine as he whispered, "I'm sorry," in that beautiful accent of his, "for what?" "Kissing you, I know you're not happy with me so I-" I crashed my own lips down onto his, "shut up." I pecked his lips one last time, "come to bed." I got up holding his hands loosely as he silently followed me back to bed, I curled up next to him with his arms around me, he kissed the top of my head, "good night love."

Next time I woke up I was nice and cozy warm against Murphy's bare chest. I looked up at him, he was already awake, "good morning, how long have you been awake for?" "About an hour," "and you just sat still?" "I didn't wanna wake ya," I smiled up at him and kissed his bottom lip, it's all I could reach from where I was. Connor rolled over on his bed beside us, "what's your plan today?" He looked past me to where Connor was sleeping, then back to me, "I'm not sure, I think Rocco has some... plan.." I sat up, "if you're gunna go... do... your thing.. you can tell me. I'd prefer to know than to be lied to," "I would never lie to you lass I just... don't want you to be upset... or worry, I don't really know what to do here alright?" I ruffled his hair and smiled, "don't do that. Hey, what happened last night? I blacked out around the time you guys got there," he looked at me a little more seriously, "uhm, not much," "I'll just ask Connor if you don't 'fess up," he sighed heavily and looked at me, "you were avoidin' me, drinkin' with that guy at the counter..." he looked sad at that statement, "he tried to take ya home. We... exchanged some words... and then... he fell when he hit my fist with his face and then we brought you here 'cause you had passed out on Emma on the floor." There was a long pause as he waited to see if I bought it or not,"he hit your fist with his face... bullshit. Murphy... I told you I wouldn't lie to you... can you-" "alright love, alright, we had a bit of a brawl over ya..." "Muuuurrpph" I looked at him with slightly annoyed eyes, "he was tryin' to take ya home! He even said, _she's gunna be a good fuck._" He mimicked James while doing quotations with his fingers in the air. I was shocked, "James?" "Aye," "well thank you for your heroism, my hero," I kissed his lips lightly then got out of bed and looked around, I hadn't noticed before but Connor had Emma with him, I grinned, "I totally knew it."

After Conn and Emma woke up we all decided to go out for some breakfast, Rocco met up with us there and so did Donny, Dan and James. We sat down at a big corner booth and immediately ordered some drinks; I got a Caesar and a couple scrambled eggs as well as a glass of water. When our server left I glanced up at James, he was staring right at me. After hearing the story about him from last night it made me nervous; I put a hand on Murphy's thigh, somehow it made me feel safe to know he's there with me. Murph looked at me and slung an arm around my shoulders pulling me closer, "sleep well?" I looked up at him, "ya, you should know, you were there!" He laughed a bit, I could feel his shoulders shake, it was comforting. I looked over to Connor and Emma, they were cute and I felt proud of myself even though I didn't do anything. It was a really awkward breakfast; James had a split lip and a black eye and Donny and Dan were bruised up while my boys were almost perfectly clear, clearly my team won. I was really impressed with them all though, they were quite civil to each other considering the circumstances.

About 2 hours later I found myself nervously tapping the counter at McGuinty's with one hand and chewing the nails on my other hand staring at the closed door. "Are ya workin' or st-st-standin'?" I jumped I was so startled, getting knocked out of my world of worry was probably a good thing but I couldn't help but be mad, "what?" I snapped as I spun around and saw Doc holding a mug, "Oh! Right, sorry Doc. I just... the boys are out.. I ... sorry," I scattered around to find a cloth, "I'll get on it, sorry." The door opened and I jumped to see who it was, praying it was my boys alive and well; it was Emma. "Hello hello darlin'" she came up and sat at the bar, "oh, hey, how are ya" "good good," I started biting my nails again, I didn't even know I was doing it.

Connor took Emma home before they explained anything to me, so she's still in the dark. Apparently Rocco's got some guy he wants dead, apparently he's a fuckin' psycho; if Murphy gets hurt or dies I'm gunna fuckin' kill him. They said they'd come see me at work when they got back so here I am, waiting nervously in a dark pub and I can't even drink off the edge 'cause I'm fuckin' workin'. Or at least I'm supposed to be, working is hard, I don't like it. Sometimes I miss California and my parents paying for everything and just gettin' laced every night; basically for free; with a ton of people I knew and could rely on to always be there. Now I'm working, drinking is surprisingly expensive, and the only people I know might not always be here because they're so set on getting in all these dangerous scenarios. I sighed and put my head in my hands, "aye, y'alright?" I looked up at Emma, I forgot she was even there, "uh ya, ya I'm good. Just tired."

I was really starting to freak out, they left approximately 5 hours ago now and I still haven't heard from them. I was about to have a breakdown, it didn't even take them five hours to clean up a fuckin' titty-club, how long could it take them to take down one guy? I was about to absolutely burst when the pub phone rang and Doc answered, "'Ello?... Aye...Aye sh-sh-she's right here -FUCK- ASS-... Ugh hang o-o-on." Doc walked towards me holding the phone, "It's M-m-murphy," I practically snatched it from him, "Murph! You ok?! What the fuck you said you'd come in!?" "I know I'm sorry... things went... wrong..." My face was blank and I could feel all the color drain from my face, "Are... are you guys ok?" "Why don'tya meet us at Rocc's place a'right?" "I'm working, I can't just go-" Doc cut me off, "g-g-go lass, it's d-d-d-dead in here anyways. Go," I looked at him appreciatively, "thanks," I lifted the phone back up to my ear, "ok, Rocco's place?" "Aye," "D'you need me to bring anything?" Murphy laughed lightly on the other end, "a case o' beer?" I chuckled lightly, "sure thing. See you soon ok," "a'right, see you soon love, bye," "bye." The fact that he laughed made me feel a little better, but I'm definitely not getting a good feeling about this.


	8. CH8: Ironing Out Some Issues

**CHAPTER 8: Ironing Out Some Issues**

I could hear a LOT of painful screaming coming from in the house. "Fuck sake." I burst through the door carrying a 24 of Lucky beer, a couple 2'6s of Smirnoff and a mickey of Tequila. I took one look at the boys, the blood, the bandages, the iron, and the pain in their eyes. I was so freaked out I couldn't even react, "I'd ask if you guys are ok but..." I blinked a few times nervously, "I think my eyes can answer that for me." Everyone was silent for a moment, "what the fuck happened?" I walked slowly towards Murphy looking at his arm, I thought I was gunna cry or scream or hit him but I did none of that, I was just... silent. I looked at Connor's leg which was still bleeding like crazy, and then at Rocco, "Rocco... where's your finger..." "Fuckin' I dunno, fuck man... Fuck." "Here man, take a swail," I passed him the mickey of tequila, as I cracked myself a beer, "so what's the iron all about," I asked cautiously, "need to cauterize the wound, make it stop bleeding," I winced at the thought of burning flesh, "speakin' of which," Connor passed Murphy the hot iron, "auhh fuck I can't watch this!" I downed my beer and booked it to the other side of the room putting my hands over my ears so I didn't hear him yell in pain. I turned around and opened my eyes a slit to peek, Connor had a hold of Murph's hair, Jesus I'm glad I wasn't here to see them burn Murphy. I could barely handle seeing Connor in pain, if I saw Murphy during this whole process I probably would have died. I stayed on the other side of the room gagging and chugging beers as they fixed up Rocco's hand, "lalalalalalala I caaan't hear aaanythiiiiiing!" I was yelling trying to drown out the sound of Rocco's screams. I jumped as Murphy suddenly had his hands on my shoulders, "AAh!" "Oye it's ok," I looked at him and didn't turn away, I could tell he's trying his hardest to hide the pain. My arm STILL hurt and they didn't BURN me on top of it all so I can only imagine how they're feeling right now. "It's all done, blood's gone," "it's not the blood I can't look at, it's you guys. I can't handle seeing you guys in such pain, being shot, being burnt... I can't take that." "I'm sorry," "for what?" "For putting you through this," there was a long pause as I tried to think of something to respond with that would end the conversation and not make him feel so bad, "well hiding in the corner gave me a leg up on the beer, I had probably 4 and a couple swigs of straight vodka while I was over here. He laughed, good, I don't want him to feel bad. I reached up and pulled him down towards me by his ears and kissed his cheek before I kissed his lips. I pulled back and looked at his face and waited until he smiled, then I smiled and pulled him closer to me again and bit his bottom lip, "that's your punishment," I smiled up at him proudly, "oh? I don't mind that... punish me more," his lips dove down onto mine with so much force I stumbled backwards and hit the wall. Unfortunately I didn't hit the wall in that sexy kind of "you're mine" style, it was more along the lines of hitting my head on a shelf and getting knocked to the floor onto a pile of empties. "Holy fuck! You alright?!" There was a small laugh behind his voice, "I'm sorry!" "Owe," I couldn't blame him for laughing though, I cracked up too, "what the fuuuuucck, why is it always meeeeee?!"

Another four beers later we're all sitting at the kitchen table playing cards and I couldn't hold back any longer, I have to know, "so, story time. What the fuck happened?" We downed the whole 24 case as the guys explained everything to me, all about how they used a tazer on the wife, went in and out on that poker game so easily shooting everyone in there, and then getting ambushed by some old guy smokin' a cigar like it 'aint no thang. "Fuck," we all sat in silence staring at the tv for a few minutes._ "I'm confident that their investigation will end...in the apprehension of the suspects."_ "Fuckin' hell," Connor took another drag from his smoke, "what?" "That's the guy that got us off the hook with the Checkov thing." Connor spoke gesturing to the tv with his smoke, dropping ash everywhere, "aye, and he's one smart man," I looked up at Murph, he looked concerned, "Ehhh they got nothin'" we all turned to Rocco, "well this guy is very sharp. If he hasn't figured us out yet, he will," Murphy nodded and tightened his arm around my shoulders before he added, "aye, you bet your ass he will." Rocco spun around looking serious (which is weird for Rocco), "Well, I'd say that makes him a lia-fuckin'-bility-" Connor cut him off, "He isn't to be touched." "Aye, he's a good man." Rocco shrunk back in his chair, "Okay, whatever." "But what if he finds you guys and you go to jail? I'm not saying kill him but like, what if... you guys should lay low or something," Murph looked down at me, "we'll be alright," "last time you said that you got shot in the arm."

The next morning after drinking a ton I woke up half on Murphy's torso and half on the floor. Don't ask how I managed it, but I did. It was an incredibly uncomfortable position, I tried to get up and reposition as silently and as softly as I could so I didn't wake Murph but just as I was puttin' the stealth moves on and climbing off one limb at a time, an alarm clock went off which startled the shit outta me and since I was balancing on one leg trying to be sneaky I just jumped and bailed over smashing onto the ground, "owe!" Murph was startled awake, "what the fuck?" He looked around confused trying to find me on the bed when he noticed me on the floor, "Oye, what the fuck happened t'you why're you down there?" "My butt hurts" I pouted back at him, "your butt hurt so you sat on the floor? Darlin' that is not going to help," "noooo I fell down here when an alarm went off!" "Oh shit the alarm! Fuck, Connor! Get up!" "Ya don't worry about me or nothin', I'll just stay down here with my sore butt," "oh I hardly forgot about you, ya nunce," "hey now! No need for name calling!" Murphy bent over me and scooped me up off the floor into his arms like I weighed nothing, "my strong hunky piece of man meat," I grabbed his jaw fiercely and forced a kiss out of him. He smiled, "m'lady," and kissed me lightly before putting me down on the bed and walking over to his brother, Murphy gave Connor a light slap on the side of his head, "oye! Connor!" Connor rolled over, "aye aye I know I'm up.. fuck my head hurts," Connor put his hands to his eyes and let out a groan, "time for church." I was still lying on Murphy's bed, he stood over me as he button his jeans up, I couldn't help but giggle, don't know why, he looked up at me, smiled and abandoned the button and instead jumped back on the bed and rolled me over on top of him, "you are a sexy lil' thing y'know that?" He had a rough-sex look on his face, "Meow," I grinned at him until Rocco hucked a shoe that hit Murph in the shoulder, "OYE! We're STILL HERE!" I quickly jumped off Murphy in a panic and saw Rocc staring at me with his mouth hanging open and Connor quickly look me up and down then spin around and smack Rocco in the shoulder, "fuck Rocc have some respect," "it's not my fault she's there!" I then squealed and dove back into bed after noticing I was standing there in my bra and a pair of Murphy's boxers. Murphy hucked the shoe back at Rocco, "OYE fuck off man!" Rocco shielded his head as the shoe came flying at him, "FUCK!" Connor started throwing empties at Murphy; half of which hit me, "get the fuck outta bed!" "Ya ya ya," Murph looked at me lying next to me, "D'you wanna come or sleep off the hangy?" "Truthfully?" I grinned at him, "Sleep lass," he kissed the top of my head and ruffled my hair, "I'll be back in a while." He smiled at me, and gave me a long, deep passionate kiss, "I love you," I froze, shocked to hear the words, but my paralysis was very brief as I launched myself towards him and wrapped my arms around him, "I love you too," "aye?" "I love you too!" "You're talkin' into my neck again lass," I could feel him laughing, I pulled back from him, "I. Love. You. Too. You hear me that time?" Murphy cracked up, kissed me one more time on the nose, "you're amazing, stay put, I'll be back," I got to see his gorgeous smile one last time when he winked at me as the three of them left for church.


	9. CH9: My Loaded Bravery

**CHAPTER 9: My Loaded Bravery**

They didn't come home after church and I started to get nervous. Finally I got a phone call, "hello?" "Hey, it's Murphy," my heart raced just hearing his voice, "hey Murph, where are ya?" "Uuuh," "Muuuurrrph..." "We're gunna do a hit. We're gunna hit Pappa Joe tonight, right in the comfort of his own home. Finish this thing off." I was silent. Hitting his house would be dangerous, they would have no information on how many people would be there, if he'll even be home, the layout of the place, nothing. "Linds?" "...ya" I was silent again. I didn't quite know what to say to that. I don't wanna be that girl that yells "you don't do that!" and shit along those lines but I also can't just be quiet about this... this is dangerous... worse than the hits before. "Well... fuck..." "don't worry alright, we'll be good. Rocco says he usually has dinner with his mom on Sunday's so it should be really chill in there, and don't worry about us goin' to jail or somethin', we've got Agent Smecker on our team now." "Oh, well that's positive I guess. What's gunna happen with the mom then...?" "We won't touch her." "Ya but.." "Linds, just don't worry alright? I'll be home. I promise I'll be home." A tear fell down my cheek as I could feel myself choking down more tears. "Linds?" My breathing was quick, "ya?" I had to catch my breath again to stop myself from crying, "Murph please don't-" "Linds you know I can't.." there was silence again, "I love you," that comment just made the tear-gate break and my eyes flooded over, "I love you too Murphy, please..." I was choking back more tears as I spoke, "please don't..." "I love you, I'll be home soon ok." "Murphy?!" I heard the click of the phone go dead, "MURPH? Murphy!?" I slammed the phone down and let myself cry, "fuck.. Murphy..."

I wanted to run to McGuinty's and just drink it off but I refuse to. I need to be here in case the phone rings or in case they come home hurt or... if... I broke down again. I was crouched against the wall crying into my hands for the next ten minutes solid until there was nothing left in me, and no breath left to choke on. I eyed up the half 2'6 of vodka we had left from last night and thought about downing it, "I feel like an alcoholic," I muttered to myself as I got up and walked over to the bottle. I stood there staring at it for a moment, "fuckit." I popped the cap and took a shot. I continued to talk to myself, "maybe I could call someone to drop off some more? OH WAIT, my only friends are on some fuckin' mission that could... fuck." I left the house after my burst of angry sarcasm and walked to the liquor store. I cracked a beer on the walk home and immediately the idea popped into my head. I stopped walking in the middle of the street, still drinking my beer. "They said that Agent helped them out..." I changed direction to the police station, I didn't know if this was a good idea or not... he said only Smecker was in with them... what if he's not there... then what? I guess I ask for him and if he's not there I just leave.

When I finally reached the police station, I realized the other snag in my plan; I was now drunk and drinking and carrying a case of beer with me. "Hmm." I downed the beer I had and stashed the case outside the cop shop, took a deep breath and walked in. I was greeted by a wolf whistle from one of the detectives in there, I read his name tag, "cool your jets Greenly." I walked past him to a more professional-looking officer, "I'm looking for Agent Smecker," "he's out, went to some house to check out some evidence or whatever." To a house... must be Pappa Joe's place... "D'you know the address? I really need to see him," the officer stared me down for a minute, "yea, yea I do." He walked behind Smeckers' desk and picked up a paper with the address scribbled on it and gave it to me. "Thanks."

I stood outside the cop shop thinking about what I was going to do, if it was even the right thing to do. "Fuckit. Be brave." I walked back to the house, stopped drinking so I could sober up a bit first. Back at the house I dropped off the case, grabbed a gun they left behind; we actually named it CK, stands for Cat Killer. Dark I know but we thought it was funny at the time. We wrote CAT KILLER down the handle in black Sharpie when we were drunk one night. I made sure it was loaded and head out the front door and started marching down the street headed for the address I was given. My heart started racing, "what am I doing... they got shot and they have way more courage and experience than I have... I could be killed... Murphy could be killed... " Ugh what the hell. I felt up the gun I had tucked in the back of my jeans. "Fuck."

I saw a car pull up and hid behind a tree watching with my gun drawn, a woman stepped out and walked up towards the door, "do I have the wrong address?" I muttered to myself as I double checked the paper I was given, "nope, got it right," I looked back up at the woman at the door, what the fuck is she doing here... A man answered the door, they exchanged a few words, kissed, and then she went inside. "Fuck," I looked up at the sky, "fuck, fuck, fuck." I took a deep breath, cocked my gun, and slunk around to the back. I peeked in windows as I went, I could see men, but I couldn't find my boys. There was a lattice up the side of the house I decided to climb; they do it in the movies and it always works. Unfortunately it worked, but what happened wasn't what I had hoped for.


	10. CH10: Loss

_**Just so you all know, I changed the storyline a bit here!**_

**CHAPTER 10: Loss**

I got to the top of the lattice and realized I had nowhere to go from there, "fuck." I'm right beside the window up here, why couldn't it be even two inches closer to me?! I heard some people talking inside and leaned closer to the window off the lattice, "We got 'em. They tried to get in through the basement." "How many?" "Three." My face went blank and I could feel myself choking up. "Let's go," they left the room and all I could hear after that was shouting and screaming, "fuck, fuck, fuck hurry up Linds," I reached as far as I could to the window sill and pulled myself through. "Thank god the window's open," I let myself down lightly onto the floor and crawled behind chair. I realize that I'm not invisible behind a chair but it feels safer somehow. I sat for a moment staring at the floor; my heartbeat is so loud, I'm sure there's someone in Europe wondering what that thumping noise is, ya it's me. "Fuck," I put my hand to my heart trying to silence it even a little bit and held up my gun and let out a deep breath, "alright, let's do thi-" I stopped mid sentence and almost screamed when I heard a gun shot and a lot of yelling," I put my hand to my mouth and shut my eyes as tight as possible squeezing out one little tear, "fuck Murph, you're so stupid," I was muttering in barely a whisper.

I peeked around the chair leg and cocked my gun slowly as I crawled out staying as low to the ground as possible and towards all the noise. I am so fucked, "what the fuck? Who the fuck are you?!" A man started storming towards me, drawing his gun. I panicked and sat up falling backwards on my butt, I let out a tiny squeak of a scream, lifted my gun and shot blindly. I opened my eyes to peek after I heard the loud thump of a body hit the ground. I stood up and looked at the man, "oh fuck me," I never knew I would have the guts to ever do something like this. In Cali all I did was party, drink and surf, now I'm shootin' down mobsters. "If my family could see me now..." "What the fuck was that?!" There was a lot of shouting coming from in front of me and I could hear a lot of running down the hall, "shit." I leaned flat against the wall and held my gun up taking a deep breath, "fuck, fuck, fuck." "Hey! Who the FUCK are you?!" One of them was pissed off and yelling, the other was a bit of a dog. "Heeeyy little kitten, c'mere, I'm gunna make you purr." The two men standing down the hall came running towards me, I threw my arm out and shot both of them in the chest running towards them as they dropped. I walked over and kicked the perv in the face getting blood on my boot, "fuckin' right bitch! You dead-ass mother fucker." I could feel the fire in my cheeks getting hotter and my heart rate jacked higher than it already was, my head snapped up as I heard more shouting coming from up ahead, I could hear Connor, "God! No! Rocc!" I ran down the hallway, forgetting where I was or what could happen and barreled through the doorway at the end of the hall right when I heard the gunshot, "God! No! Rocc! Rocc! No!" Connor was screaming as Rocco fell, Murphy's head shot up and looked at me with fear and surprise, "Lindsay?! NO! Get the fuck out of here! RUN!" I saw Murphy all bloody and locked up and scanned over to Connor and Rocco on the floor. It all felt slow motion to me, I saw the man spin around to face me with his gun drawn, I screamed in fear as I threw my arms up and shot him until I had zero bullets left and the gun was just making blank clicking noises. I finally clued in and stopped shooting as I looked around realizing I was covered in blood spatters. Everything was silent to me, I felt blind, I was completely blank as I fell to my knees staring at the floor. I can't even think. Am I dying? Did I get shot? His voice was a shadow in my ears as I slowly scanned the floor and eventually laid eyes on Murphy. He was screaming and jumping up and down in his chair trying to get to me, it took me a moment to get off the floor, "Murph..." it was barely audible, "Lindsay!" "Murph..." My voice got progressively louder as I woke up, "Lindsay!" "Murphy!" My head snapped up as my eyes finally focused and I ran towards them, "Connor!" My eyes flew to him as I struggled to free Murphy, "holy shit you guys, I TOLD you this would happen!" "What the fuck are you even doing here?!" "I don't know! I was drinking and I found your gun and-" Murph slipped off his chair and grabbed me and held me as close as possible, "what the fuck Linds..." he mumbled into my hair and kissed the top of my head, "c'mon we gotta get Connor out," I pecked him on the cheek and ran to Connor and started messing with his locks as Murphy collapsed on the ground next to Rocco, "fuckin' Rocco, fuck," I think he would've cried if I wasn't there.

"And shepherds we shall be for Thee, my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand. That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command," our heads were bowed as we knelt before Rocco's body when we heard movement behind us. The boys snapped around with their guns drawn and when I turned I saw the man from their story standing there, smoking a cigar. He took a few steps towards us, I felt my breath hitch as my heart sped up again. "We will flow a river forth on to Thee," his voice was soft but rough all at once, "and teeming with souls shall it ever be, in nomine Patris, et Filii et Spiritus Sancti." He made a cross in the air and walked towards the boys cupping their faces in his hands, I sat still with my eyes wide.

I was working when it went down but I saw it on tv as I washed mugs and glasses at McGuinty's with Doc; the boys and Da stormed a trial for some high up mob boss, executing him in front of the world making an example of him. I was proud of the words they spoke first, it had a solid meaning to it and for some reason it made me feel more comfortable about society to hear them.

Connor and Murphy were standing on tables pointing their guns at the crowd yelling their speech, they traded off on lines starting with Murph,

_"We do not ask for your poor or your hungry"_

_"We do not want your tired and sick"_

_"It is your corrupt we claim"_

_"It is your evil that will be sought by us"_

_"With every breath, we shall hunt them down."_

_"Each day we will spill their blood til it rains down from the skies"_

_"Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal, these are principles which every man of every faith can embrace"_

_"These are not polite suggestions — these are codes of behavior. And those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost"_

_"There are varying degrees of evil, we urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption, into our domain"_

_"But if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three and on that day you will reap it"_

_"And we will send you to which ever god you wish."_

It made a lot of sense, and hopefully holds an impact on humanity. I just hope the fear will drive man to be better, to leave nothing more behind to clean up. I just want my boys safe. I winced when they pulled their triggers, I still can't believe I pulled the trigger. About a week ago I was as innocent as could be, living the life in California, dark tan, sun-bleached hair, partyin' without a care in the world and spending my days near the ocean. Now, my tan is fading, my hair is browning without the sun, I have a job, I spend my days in the rain, and I've killed. It's crazy how much can change in a week.


	11. CH11: Save Me

**CHAPTER 11: Save Me**

"I love having you all to myself," I giggled as I grabbed Murphy by the ears and pulled him closer to me, I love grabbin' his ears, there's something adorable about them I just can't explain. He growled at me through a grin and fell down into my grip and licked my cheek, "eeeewww Muuuurphyyy," I let go of his ears laughing and wiping my face with my hands, "bleeeeeehhhh," I wiped my hands off onto his face, "yuck don't give it back! It was a present!" "I don't want your saliva!" "Well that's just rude now ya?" I laughed and launched myself upright to lick his face, "HAH." He let out that sexy low growl at me again and dove down kissing me as deep as possible then whispered in my ear, "I'd rather that tongue did something else lass," I looked at him with a mischievous glint in my eyes, "meow," and bit his bottom lip pulling it down towards myself with a snap on release. Murphy stared right into my eyes, "mmmm I love'ya," I squealed as Murph grabbed my shoulders and rolled me so I was lying on top of him, "love you too." I sat up wearing just my bra and panties, straddling him in his boxers grinning until it faded. I started watching my fingers tracing circles and other shapes on his torso, "so... are you guys... done now?" His smile faded too as he looked at me. He reached up with one hand and cupped my chin to angle my face up to look at him, "I will be done.. whenever you tell me to." He smiled and grabbed me rolling me over again so he was on top, "I would do anything for ya lass," he smiled and slowly lowered himself down onto me giving me the softest but most loving kiss.

We had moved into my apartment; the one I'd never spent a night in; and Emma had taken Murphy's place with Connor. So now we had all the privacy in the world and could fuck wherever and whenever we wanted to, and we did. We weren't recluses or anything, we still party with the guys and hangout at McGuinty's, the usual really. We had definitely slowed down on the drinking though within the past month or two, I was working a lot at the pub and Connor and Murphy and started up again back at the meat packing plant. After work we usually had some beers and hungout with everyone but it wasn't like it used to be; getting absolutely sloshed every night.

We were watching tv nice and comfy together, he was leaning against the arm of the couch with one arm slung over the back of the couch and I was leaning back against him resting my back on his chest, I was so close to falling asleep on his chest when the phone rang on the other side of the room and I pouted as Murphy lifted himself up off the couch and went to answer it, "you've ruined it! I was so comfy!" "Soooorryyyyy, I'll be quick," Murphy turned and winked at me through the cheeky grin. "'Ello? ... Aye, nothin' really... ya... aye ya, sure," he put the phone to his chest and turned to me, "hey love, wanna hit McGuinty's?" "Ya sure, I could go for a couple brew's," he put the phone back up to his ear, "aye, ya... ya... see you in ten," he turned to grab his shoes and coat as I grabbed my purse off the floor. I didn't notice it but he had darted towards me and startled me by scooping me up from behind, "no need for shoes m'lady, I shall carry you," I laughed, "you dolt! No! I need shooooeeesss!" He threw me back down on the couch, "no you don't, not yet." He pulled my shirt over my head as I grinned at him, "my love," "MY love," "NO. MY love." He just growled and pressed himself against me and kissed me passionately. I pushed him up, "you shouldn't have told him ten minutes," he looked me in the eyes and then his eyes flicked down to my lips, "he'll understand." For the next hour and a half all I could taste and feel was him and I fucking love it.

"Doc! Another!" I slid my empty down the bar towards him, Murphy slung an arm around me and smooshed his face into my cheek smiling and making little chirpy noises while kissing me, "you guys make me fuckin' sick," Murph turned away from my smiling wiggling face towards the voice, "aye fuck you man, you're just jealous," Murphy shoved Donny back smiling, "aye! Jealous! How could I not be jealous of that ass?" "OYE! Respect!? Her ass is fantastic, yes, but c'mon... respect, ya?" I blushed and grinned and peeked down at my butt, "Murphy looked back at me, then to Doc, "a round of tequila aye Doc!" When the shots arrived the entire bar cheersed jokingly to my ass as I stood on the bar counter shakin' it and throwing my darkened hair around. I am so. Drunk. I feel like a stripper, oh dear Jesus please don't start drunkenly stripping; I am so glad I still have that tiny voice in the back of my mind coaching 'drunk me' on how NOT to behave.

One Month Later

"Where's Connor?" I could feel the bar stool rock under me as I leaned over to get in front of Murph; uneven stool legs. "He called me earlier, him and Emma will be here later, they're... christening the bed they just bought." I backed up, eyes squeezing shut, "did NOT need to hear that." I was silent for a few minutes until I couldn't hold it anymore, "so... Murph..." Murphy turned to me smiling as he downed his beer, "you m'lady! Where the fuck is your beer?!" He turned towards the bar again, "eh Doc!" "No, no Murphy," I put a hand on his shoulder to spin him back to me, "I don't... I can't have a beer." Murph looked at me again, "shot instead?" "I laughed a little light laugh, "no, babe, I can't drink..." He looked at me and his face turned confused and serious, "what's wrong?" "I..." I looked down at my hands as he put down his beer, "are you ok?" I have no clue how he's going to react to this, I'll just spit it out and see what happens I guess. "Murph, I can't drink 'cause I'm pregnant." There was silence as his smile faded completely, "wha?" I don't like this reaction, my heart raced, "I went to the doctors today 'cause I've been feeling sick lately and... well I found something out.." there was silence again "...that you're..." he pointed to my stomach, "ya," he stared at my stomach blankly and slowly his lips turned into a smile as his face flashed towards mine and he dove off his stool and kissed me, "we're having a baby," I smiled and giggled into his neck as he hugged me and picked me up off my chair to spin me in circles. I let out a little squeal of dizziness and he stopped and held me there as close and as tight as possible. When he eventually let me go he grabbed his beer and turned to the boys, "everybody shuttup! Eyes up here!" He was smiling like mad as he gestured to me, "WE... are having A BABYYYYY!" Everyone in the bar was cheersing, clapping, yelling "congratulations" and drinking in our honor. I sat back down as the celebrations continued on for another hour or so until the door to the bar opened, we all thought it was Connor and Emma at first so everyone turned and got excited but the people we saw at the doorway were not Connor and Emma.

Four Russian's stepped through the doorway and walked straight towards us. They were obviously not interested in anyone but Murphy. I started to panic, where the fuck is Connor when you need him?! I don't like the thought of Murphy alone for this, I have a terrible feeling. I slid my hand over his forearm and spoke softly, "Murphy.. who are they?" "Fuckin' Russian's." They didn't say anything as they walked towards us, the man in the middle was grinning and never broke eye-contact with Murphy who took a drink of his beer and a drag off his smoke defiantly. The man to the right of him took a step forward and grabbed me roughly by my upper arm as the man in the middle spoke, "So Irishman. What now?" My breath hitched as I was yanked up off my seat beside Murphy who shot up out of his seat, smashed the bottom of his bottle on the counter and held up the shattered neck and launched himself at the Russian, "you fucking FUCK, LET GO of her!" "Murphy?!" I panicked as the Russian quickly raised a gun to my temple, "ah ah aaaahh Irishman, sit the fuck down or I'll make her lie down... and she will NOT be getting back up. Not in this world." "You SICK motherfucker!" Murphy's spat on the mans shoes, his eyes were on fire as he slowly lowered his bottle, at the same time Connor walked into the pub with Emma, "what the fuck's going on?!" The two other Russian's turned towards Connor and I saw one of them grin and start laughing as the other went forward, punched Connor and grabbed Emma around the torso to take her too. "What the FUCK?!" "Murphy!" The tears were dropping from my eyes down my cheeks, not out of fear for my life, but fear of being away from him, fear of our baby being injured. Murphy started to run forward again but stopped dead dropping his bottle as he raised his hands up in surrender when I heard the Russian behind me cock his gun, he was laughing. They began backing up out of the pub, "keep your ASS on the CHAIR you mother fuckers or you will have a bloody mess to clean." "Murphy!?" "LINDSAY! You MOTHER FUCKERS I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN! WITH EVERY FUCKING BREATH OF LIFE IN ME I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN! AND WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU I WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOUR CORPSE AND SMILE!" Murphy threw a bar stool to the side as he shouted, Connor was still at the other end of the pub trying to reach Emma, "EMMA?!" who was in the same situation as me. The Russian threw me towards the ground, punched me down from the back of my head as I screamed, "MURPH!" "Shut the FUCK up!" The Russian grabbed me back up by my hair and smashed me over the head with the butt of his gun, "fuck you Irishman. You will taste what I tasted. You take my brother, I take your love." My vision slowly faded out as he dragged me out of the bar by my hair, gun still to my head. I could hear Emma crying and screaming and Murphy and Connor freaking out yelling insults and throwing shit behind me, "Muuurphyyyy!?" Was the last I could mutter out before everything went black.


	12. CH12: Pigs

**CHAPTER 12: Pigs**

**Lindsay's PoV **

When I finally came to, I was next to Emma in a dark room with no windows. There was no one else in there with us, "Linds?" I lifted my head slowly, it took all of my efforts to do so, "Emma?" "Hey, are you alright?" I looked down at my shirt, there was blood allover me. "Shit... that's why my head hurts... that's head blood right?" "Ya," Emma leaned forward to look at my face, "fuck my head kills." "I can imagine," "Where are we?" At that moment the only door burst open, "I hear voices, you're awake," "fuck you," "THAT. Is not polite. I give you a room, together... and this is how I am repaid? Maybe I should separate you. He walked towards us and grabbed Emma by the arm and ripped her up, I stood up, "no! I'm sorry. Please leave her," "that's better." He let go of Emma and backhanded me and watched as I dropped to the ground. "Maybe I will fuck you. Animals show dominance that way-" "are you saying you're an animal?" He took another step towards me and hit me again, "you're not helping yourself here. You are MINE. Understand this and your time may pass easier." I stared at him defiantly, _don't show your fear._

Three days later, Emma and I were still tied up. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't seem to make myself, it was cold, and we hadn't eaten, not even water. The days seemed endless without a clock and not even the sun to try and see the time. We did nothing in the dark, empty room but wait. I'm positive Murphy and Connor were cooking something up, they wouldn't leave us. In fact I'm positive that's why this is happening. Emma and I stayed huddled together in a corner out of fear and the cold. Every now and then someone would come in to either yell at as, beat us or strip us. We're both covered in bruises, cuts, dirt, and in my case scratch marks all down my back. My bottom lip is split and swollen, my eye is black, there was blood in my hair and allover my clothes; I want a shower, however that's the least of my worries. Emma is almost passed out on my shoulder, she's lost a lot of blood.

Another day gone... I think... it feels like it, anyways. I feel so weak, I've barely slept and still haven't eaten. I'm so afraid I'll lose the baby, I need something to eat. I need something in my stomach. My wrists were so cut up and bloody, I had been pulling to try and slip the handcuffs but it wasn't working. There isn't even a chair in here. Murphy, where are you...

**Murphy's PoV**

"If they touch her I fucking swear to Christ they're not living long." I kicked over the chair in front of me, "Connor we have to go now." "Murphy we don't know where they are what the fuck are we supposed to do?!" "I dunno something!" I hucked a bottle into the sink where it smashed into tiny pieces scattering allover the room. We're in our old place together, trying to think of something. "Da, any ideas?" "The most I can say to do right now would be to get ready." Connor looked back, "guns?" "It's the only thing we're sure on so far," "aye, fair," "I'm calling Smecker." I stormed towards the phone on the table, "Murph, wait, we don't even know if he's still with us after the courtroom. His comments on the tv, that we went too far... he didn't look like he was faking it for the camera." "She's FUCKING PREGNANT. I want this done now. Maybe he has something on these guys we can use." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I leaned down on my fists on the table, "wha?" "Lindsay. She told me just before those fucking Russian's came in. She's pregnant. We're having a baby... And I REFUSE to believe anything other than that." I punched the table before I straightened up and stared at the ceiling, taking another deep breath. "Murph, we'll get them out. We'll get her back." He clapped a hand on my back, "and we'll kill 'em all. Make them suffer... I'll call Smecker, you can pick out some weapons with Da, I know that's your favorite." He was trying to make me smile, not gunna happen.

**Lindsay's PoV**

My hands were cuffed in front of me, yes, but my legs were still free. Earlier today I put up a good fight as two Russian's attempted to have a little fun. "We're so hungry, can we even just share a piece of bread? Please?" "Oh, I'll give ya somethin' to eat," he started frantically unzipping his pants as he stared me up and down, "fuck you!" "Oh I'll fuck you if you'd rather, come here girl." He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me forward, ripping my shirt off my body so I was left in my bra and some leggings. "That Irishman isn't going to want you when I'm done with you," he punched me before he dropped his pants; I don't know why you would put the most sensitive part of your body into an angry girls' mouth. I bit him. Hard. "YOU FUCKING BITCH MOTHER FUCKER!" I spent the next ten or fifteen minutes getting the absolute shit kicked outta me and left me in the center of the room. Emma was crying and half crawled, half dragged herself over to me lying half naked on the concrete floor. "Lindsay?!" She shook my shoulder with her cuffed hands, "fuck, Lindsay!?" All I could do was let out a small barely audible groan, I have no energy, no spark, no fire, no nothing left in me. I was literally lying in a puddle of my own blood and I couldn't make myself move. I'm so fucked.

**Murphy's PoV**

Connor put down the phone awkwardly and turned to me, "they're at the meat packing plant..." "wha?" "Smecker said they had a call of a mass murder in the meat packing plant, only one escaped and reported it. They were Russian's." I punched the wall with both fists, "I'm gunna fuckin' kill every single last one of those mother fuckers." "They killed everyone at our work, kidnapped our girls, and they think they're fucking untouchable. Fuck this, suit up Murph," Connor grabbed a duffel bag off the ground near the door and headed for the car, "fuck ya let's get this fucking done. Oye Da! You comin'?" "Just grabbing my coat, son. Wouldn't miss this for the world."

We pulled up to the meat packing plant, it's abnormally quiet. Connor tapped my shoulder, "this is eerie," "aye, it'is," we were both staring straight forward with unspeakable amounts of fire in our eyes. "Time to slaughter the pigs."


	13. CH13: Rotten Meat

**CHAPTER 13: Rotten Meat**

**Lindsay's PoV**

I don't even know how long we've been here for; not long I bet but it feels like forever. I want a shower. I want food. I want my bed. And most of all I want my fuckin' Murphy. I looked down at Emma; she's lying on the ground next to me as close as possible for body heat trying to sleep. I sighed and leaned my head back on the wall, hurt like shit but I can't even feel it anymore. Everything hurts, every movement, every breath, I don't even know what all is broken inside me but I feel like no bones are left untouched. We've been threatened with death, starved, beatten, raped, and basically everything horrible that can be done to a person has been done to us. The only time my hands were untied was to give a guy a handjob at gunpoint. Just thinking about it all, wrapping it all up together made me cry and just mumble his name, "Murphy..." I began sobbing and it hurt like shit, I think I've got some cracked ribs. Emma looked up at me when she heard me, "they'll come," she said to me weakly, "I know they will. I know they'll come for us." "That's what I'm afraid of," a tear fell and hit Emma's bare shoulder, "don't cry love, they're tough boys, I can tell." I looked at her, she still doesn't know the whole story, should I tell her? Might as well, nothing else to do in here and she's involved now wether she likes it or not.

I spent the next half hour giving her a brief outline of everything, "I assumed something along those lines, no other reasons would explain all the guns around the house together with being fucking kidnapped by Russian assholes." "Mhm," was all I could squeeze out, any other strength or energy in me had been drained from talking so much. I groaned out of pain as I attempted to lie down. "Ugh I just wanna die I hurt so bad," "don't say that, they'll be here."

**Murphy's PoV**

"So what's the plan, where's are entrance?" Connor leaned closer to the window to see if anyone was guarding any entrances to the building, "I thought smoke deck, leads right into the whole mess, kill em all." "Aye that'd be nice, seems too easy to me though." Da leaned forward from the back of the car, "that place is probably full of guns. We need to funnel them somewhere." "Maybe the back deck? Opens right in between the two shelves." I got up to grab one of the duffel bags from the trunk, "I want my girl. I want my baby. Let's go."

**Lindsay's PoV**

My head snapped up as Emma shook my arm, "Linds, Linds, I hear gunshots, get up. I think they're here!" She let out a little squeal and smiled at me as I sat up, I just stared at the door in disbelief, "Murphy." For the first time in days, I smiled; but it didn't last long because the door was thrown open and three Russian's came in and grabbed us, and dragged us out. I figured it'd be a good idea to make as much noise as possible so they could find us, I started screaming as hard as I could, "MURPHYYY!" Once Emma caught on she joined me, calling for Connor. "SHUT the fuck up you fucking whores," each of the Russian's gave us a few good smacks as we carried on down the hall. Where the fuck are we going? "Fucking let GO of me! MURPHY!"

I woke up by myself tied up on a conveyer belt. "Emma?" Her name was muffled and mumbled out since I now had a gag in my mouth. I sat up as much as I could, is that a fucking meat grinder? Gears and sharp metal were all I could see in front of me. I looked to the other side of me and Emma was strapped up to another one on the other side of the room trying to scream. I don't like the looks of this. This always happens on tv, and it's always a 'choice' scenario for the hero to make. I looked down at my belly and thought about our baby with a whimper, I shut my eyes as tight as I could and started trying to roll off the belt only to realize that I was tied up and tied to it. Screaming as hard as I could I kept trying to throw my body around, maybe loosen the ropes or something. I heard Emma scream again on the other side of the room as the gun shots got closer, I heard a loud cry of pain and I instantly freaked out thinking it could be Murphy. I continued to scream and flail as every scenario went through my mind of what could be going on. Fuck.

**Murphy's PoV**

We slipped in the back door but the whole thing was not as easy as we had hoped. They had moved everything. Our entrance was no longer narrowed and we were ambushed from all angles. "Murph! Murph! On your right!" I spun to the right to see five Russian's storming over, "how many of these fat fucks are in here?!" I shot through their bullets praying I didn't get hit. The place was overflowing with Russian's. Fuck. There was a loud shout behind me, "DA!" "Don't be worryin' about me I'm alright!" Fuck. Connor ran to Da's side to help him stay up, "LINDSAAAY?!" It feels like all of Russia is in this fucking building.

Sneaking around our work is weird, all I could see were bodies of all our co-workers. All I could think of was Lindsay's body, _dear God please let her be ok. _"Murph," I barely even heard Connors' whispers, "Murph, d'you hear that?" I stopped breathing so I could listen for any slight noise until I heard it; the muffled screams of two girls. Thank the Lord they're alive. Connor motioned to me to head upstairs, I nodded back and checked my ammo before I followed him and Da up the stairs. Da was bleeding from just under his left ribs, fuck, that's a bad fuckin' hit. Focus. When we peeked around the corner it felt like my eyes magnetized to her and zoomed in or something, she's strapped to a conveyer belt, alive and wriggling around wildly but covered in blood. I couldn't hold back, I ran out from behind the wall, a gun in each hand, shooting madly, "YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!"


	14. CH14: Home

**CHAPTER 14: Home**

**Lindsay's PoV**

He's so close, he's so close this is torture. My eyes hurt and they're so blurry, this is the most amount of light that's hit my eyes in days, but through the blurriness of my eyes I could still see him. I tried screaming through the cloth in my mouth again, "MURPHY!" I started rolling more viciously until I suddenly notice the belt was turned on, "MURPHY!" I looked towards Emma, hers was moving too, fuck fuck fuck. I screamed again and kept spinning trying to break free. Every inch of me hurt out of pain and exhaustion but I had to try. Panic and pain's all I can feel, this is so fucked up.

**Murphy's PoV**

I ran to her ignoring everything else around me when I noticed the belt had been turned on. "CONNOR!" I threw my arm towards Emma to motion for him to look. "EMMA!" He ran to her, still shooting at the Russian's around us. Da was slowly walking forward between everything on a spree, taking down as many men as possible. I finally reached her and a tear came to my eye as I saw her, she stopped wriggling around and looked up at me with those big eyes. "This is all my fault, I'll be back," I ran to the side of the machine hitting the off button before I continued to shoot. "DAAA!" Connor yelled behind me and I turned to see Da fall to the ground, "NO! Da!" I turned back ahead of me, "YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!"

**Lindsay's PoV**

It was painful to watch, I watched the love of my life being shot at from all angles, by huge men with huge guns. Connor fully untied Emma before he went back to focusing on the Russian's, Emma hobbled over to me; I think her leg is either broken or fractured somewhere; she untied me and I practically fell off the belt. The two of us crouched for cover underneath the conveyer behind some boxes. I covered my ears and turned away, I can't watch this.

"No! Fuck OFF lemme GO!" Emma was dragged out from under the belt and a gun pointed at her temple. Shit! "YOU FUCKING FUCKS PUT DOWN YOUR GUNS!" Everyone stopped shooting at once and turned to him, "FUCK you!" Connor threw his guns down, I turned to see Murphy, he was still holding his guns and staring defiantly, "Now, Irishman." He stared and cocked his gun, seconds later the Russian cocked his gun, still pointed at Emma. He was shaking his head mockingly, "uh uh uuuhh Irishman," his head turned and he looked right at me as I scrambled further back. A pair of arms appeared in front of me and I kicked wildly, "FUCK you! Get the fuck off of me! No!" I kicked and screamed even after he grabbed my legs and dragged me out, "Lindsay!" "GET THE FUCK OFF ME! MURPH!" "LINDSAY!" Murph snapped, he glanced at Connor and turned forward and shot straight ahead hitting the Russian holding me right between the eyes causing me to fall to the ground, Connor did the same to the Russian holding Emma and they both ran towards us to protect us. I've no clue what happened next, I blacked out when my head hit the machine on my way down.

I woke up in the hospital. Hooked up to an IV, a morphine patch on my shoulder, my left arm in a sling, my head was bandaged and I had bandages wrapped all around my torso. I am so...exhausted... and I can barely see. "Linds?" I only then noticed Murphy had a hold of my right hand, "Murph," "holy fuck you don't even know how amazing it is to hear your voice." He dove down and kissed me as passionately as an old man would kiss his lifelong love. It hurts my face but I don't care. "Oh I know exactly how you feel, I love you Murphy," "I am so sorry," our voices were barely whispers. I tilted my head upwards and kissed the tip of his nose, and then his lips, "don't ever say that. You have nothing to be sorry for," "It's my fault they came for you," "no. It's their fault they're as stupid as they were to antagonize you boys. It was clearly their biggest mistake, I assume they're all dead?" He grinned, "you bet." There was silence a moment as I pondered whether or not to bring it up, "uhm, what happened... to Da...?" Murph just took a deep breath and sat up straight with his head tilted back so he was looking at the ceiling. He looked defeated with his arms hanging down resting loosely onto his lap, "he's gone."

A nurse came in and shot some more morphine into me about two hours ago, between then and now I made no sense until I just fell asleep. "Where's Emma? And Connor?" Murph leaned closer to my face, leaning his elbows on the edge of the bed, "they're in a different room," "is Emma ok?" "She's in about the same shape as you, what happened? What did they do to you?" I just swelled up and turned away, "not much, just... beat us." "Lindsay... I don't lie, you don't lie," I turned back to him, "I know I just... It's pointless now... it's done and ... done.. can't go back." Murphy leaned his forehead down onto his hands which were grasping mine tightly. "They... touched you... didn't they..." There was silence, I don't want to confirm it, it'll just piss him off. "They kidnap you, starve you, beat you bloody, and... rape you... They don't deserve death. They deserve nothing but hell." Murphy got up and kicked the stool violently to the other side of the hospital room. I decided to change the subject. "Did they check on the baby?" He looked over at him, the mention of our baby seemed to calm him down, "ya, they did, it's ok." "I wanna know what it is... we need to name it! Girl or boy, we need to pick names!" He smiled at me and kissed my forehead, "I love you."

Once I was awake enough to walk, I took my IV stand in my right hand and Murphy held onto my body from the left and while trying to avoid my broken arm, he led me to Emma's room. Her and Connor were sitting on the bed talking and holding each other. I was right, her leg is broken. Murphy surprised me and bent down to kiss my cheek and nuzzle his face into mine, I protested through the laughter, "cut it ooouuut your nose is cooooollld," "that's what you get!" "What did I do to deserve cold-nose?!" He stopped and kissed the top of my head, "hey I'm clean," I suddenly noticed there was no blood on me anymore, I looked up at Murph, "did you shower me?" "Aye, I gave ya a bath, you definitely needed it." "Aahh this feels so nice," "I bet, that shit was caked on ya." I shuddered in disgust just thinking about how much blood I was covered in before I woke up. "Sick."

They set us loose into the world after another three days of blood tests, and bone settlements. It felt nice to be outside in the cool air, it had never smelled as good as it does now.

Another couple days later we attended a funeral for Da. It was only the four of us there and a priest; he didn't have many friends, being a hit man n' all he didn't make any. It felt awful knowing that they had only JUST come to know their father and so soon he was ripped away from them. The two boys stood right at his grave smoking in silence, Emma and I stood a little further back, I watched as they both took one last drag off their smokes, tossed them down and stamped them out. The stood in silence for another moment until they said their family prayer in unison and turned around to us. I took a few steps forward and hugged him, "I'm sorry lovee," I held him as close as possible and kissed his neck on release. He looked me right in the eyes for a moment then smiled a little half-smile before he kissed me, "at least I have you."


	15. CH15: Epilogue

**CHAPTER 15: Epilogue**

"I can't wait till I can have a beer again," I adjusted myself on the bed next to Murphy, he put his hand on my swollen belly and kissed me and then kissed my tummy, "me too m'love." Since I couldn't drink Murphy decided he would help me "stay strong" by not drinking either; I love him. Only someone who truly cares and loves me would do something like that; especially considering the people we hangout with. "Hooooooly shit it hurts," I jolted up holding my stomach, "oooooohhh god this sucks a bag of dicks this hurts so baaaaad," Murphy sat up next to me, "d'you think it's time?" "Iiiiiiii definitely think we should maybe OWE go to the-ooooooooo frickin frack this hurts- hospital pleeeease!"

Murphy held my hand the entire time, I think I broke his knuckles from squeezing his hand so hard. I can't even count the amount of curse words and strange insults that were spat out of my mouth when I gave birth to our little baby girl, Mallory. She's about an average sized little girl, she has Murphy's beautiful, massive blue eyes and the whitest blonde head of fluffy curls possible. I can't stop looking at her, my eyes are just locked on her and nothing else is registering, "Linds?" I turned slowly to look at Murphy standing beside the bed and smiled, "I love you," he chuckled and knelt down to my level on the bed, "I love you too. Are you ready for Connor and Emma to come in?" I looked back down at Mallory and smiled, "for sure," I curled over and kissed her head and smelled her, babies definitely have their own smell.

3 Months Later

"I cannot believe he proposed to her!" I squealed as quietly as possible while jumping around the bassinet where little Mallory was passed out cold with a little purple soother in her mouth, "aye! I know! Fuck this is gunna be amazing!" I smacked his arm lightly and pointed to Mallory, "don't swear!" "She can't even understand yet!" "I knoooowwww but she just looks so untainted... look at her..." We both looked down at her with the utmost love in our eyes, "she looks just like you m'love," Murphy put his arm around my shoulder and scanned my face, "beautiful.. perfect... just like you" I looked up at him and jumped onto my tiptoes for a kiss and whispered, "she has your eyes," I leaned into the crook of his arm, "I love you Murphy," "I love you too Lindsay."

1 Year Later

It's the most decorated I've ever seen McGuinty's, beautiful. "Mama, up," I picked Mal up off the ground and into my arms, "hey sweety, remember to say please!" "Pleeeaaaaaaase" "good girl," I kissed the top of her head and adjusted her weight in my arms, "Connor! Congratulations!" "Heyy! My other two favorite girls!" He threw his arms around Mallory and I and ruffled Mal's hair after, "hey love!" Connor's going to be a good dad one day, "aye! Quit mackin' on my ladies ya?!" Murph came up from behind Connor and jumped him roughly shaking his shoulders laughing, "congraaaaatulations!"

4 Months Later

"Would you mind taking Mal for the night? Murph wants to go out for dinner." "Aye I'd love to take the little rugrat," Emma extended her arms and tool Mallory out of mine, "g'night sweetie, be good. Mama will see you in the morning ok? Love you," I gave her hands a squeeze and kissed the top of her head, "thanks Emma, I really appreciate it," "no probs, love this lil' thing. Plus it's good practice!" She glanced down at her own baby bump, "So exciting!"

Murph looks so sexy when he dresses up, black pants and spiffy black shoes, he's even wearing a white dress shirt and a red tie with his usual black jacket. I was wearing a black a pair of black pumps and a gold dress; the top half of the strapless dress was a deep gold and around the waistline it faded into a sheer black flowing skirt that came to just above my knees in the front and in the back it came down 'till the middle of my calf. We walked into this fancy restaurant, "wow," I looked around the place, there were flowers, candles, and sheets of silk for window covers everywhere creating a very romantic and soft atmosphere. "Hi, welcome to 'Shantel's Bistro'," Connor took a step forward, "I made a reservation actually, under 'Murphy'," "Oh, yup!" She smiled oddly, "right this way." Something's going on... that girls' behavior is really awkward. Murphy and I entered a private room at the back of the restaurant, there were no tables or chairs, just a red silk sheet on the ground, white satin pillows, candles lit on different levels of shelving all around the room, and there's champagne, wine glasses and two menus in the center of the sheet waiting for us. "I'll be back in a few to take your order," she smiled and winked at me knowingly, what the hell, I don't know you. I turned around to look at Murphy, he was blushing. I don't think I've ever seen him blush before. He leaned forward and kissed me before I had a chance to say anything, then held my hands and looked in my eyes, he was breathing heavily, he looked nervous. I understood everything when he knelt down in front of me, my breath hitched as I thought of what was happening and a tear crept into my eyes as I smiled, "Lindsay," I took a deep breath, "will you marry me?" I didn't even say anything I just dove down on him knocking him back so he was lying on the red silk sheet with me on top, I kissed him as deep as possible, "yes you idiot! Of course yes!"

We stayed laying on the ground talking and fooling around until the restaurant closed. There was a knock on the door, "excuse me," "aye?" The door opened very slowly, "we're closing in ten minutes and your waiter will be around momentarily with the bill." She looked very shy, probably because we were laying down together in a tangled position, "yes, thank you," she left and I looked at Murph, he had the most amused smile on his face, "well, my wonderful fiance, what would you like to do now?" I looked at him in the most devilish way I could as I leaned in to kill him as passionately as I could and whispered, "I'd like to fuck the shit outta you till you can't move." Murphy quickly grabbed my arms and pushed me back from him as he scrambled up and out to grab the bill, then rushed back, swept me up in his arms and ran out to the car, "hold that thought m'love, we're almost home."

He threw the door open and tossed me down on the bed as he scrambled out of his pants, "mmm I can't wait till I can't walk," I jumped up onto my knees to help him as he grabbed my dress, "arms up!" I threw my arms straight up and he pulled it over my head as I ripped his tie off, "you're so cute in a tie," I kissed him as he wrapped his arms around me lowering me down onto my back, "you're so beautiful in anything," he whispered quickly in my ears I frantically unbuttoned the bottom of his shirt as he unbuttoned the top, then after ripping it off he threw my bra to the ground, "lift your hips," he spoke softly and I did as I was told. His fingers trailed down my almost naked body as he slid down kissing my inner thighs, he slowly wrapped his fingers around the sides of my underwear and slowly slid them down my legs, kissing me as he went. He then put his amazingly talented tongue to work and I couldn't help but squirm until I went nuts, grabbed him by his ears and wrenched him up, "fuck me."


End file.
